You hold it like this......

While at Grandma Donna's house last week, Glen needed to (ahem) "go." So I told him to go into the bathroom and go, and reminded him to wipe himself, because he was a big boy.

No surprise - after 2 minutes or so I hear "Moooooom. I'm Dooooooone."

Me: "Wipe yourself, you're a big boy!" (Cheerful mom tone of voice)
Glen: "You do it!"
Me: "No, you're a big boy. You have to be able to wipe yourself if you want to go to pre-school" (The pre-school bribe is pretty effective these days)
Glen: "Just one more time? Pleeeeeease"
Me: "Nope, you need to do it"
Glen: "Just ONE more time?" (I leave for another part of the house, to stop the negotiation)
Glen: "Grandma? Can you come wipe my butt?"
Grandma: "No Glen, your mom said you need to do it" (Grandma joins me around the corner)

At this point, Maddox comes running in to see what was going on. (Can't have a conversation without both of them, you know).

Glen: "Maddox, come here!"
Glen: "You wipe my butt?"
Maddox: "Yeah!" (excited voice)
Glen: "Here, you hold it like this" (we peek around the corner to see Glen handing Maddox a wad of tissue all crumpled up, then turning around and bending over........)

And that is how Glen got his way.